Recently, I walked away from a very toxic relationship, one that stole my peace and drained my energy. This period in my life was frightfully challenging; my health – mental and physical – deteriorated. But I don’t want to delve into any details about it because the relationship itself is not central to my story.
I’ll even provide you the “spoiler” – the story is not a tragedy; it has a happy ending and an even happier beginning. Let me explain.
My Story – One of “Unfolding”
Before “falling in love”, I thought my life represented the epitome of “enjoying your moments!” After retiring, I moved to sunny Florida and took up a lifestyle of walks, workouts, and beaches by day; happy hours, tiki bars, and dancing to live music at night. I joined a community of like-minded folks, and developed a circle of amazing friends. I realized my life was rather shallow, but before retirement, I lived a very purposeful life as an educator, an active member of my church, and later a caregiver for my parents. I thought to myself this is my time now to just enjoy – no purpose needed. Yet, I felt a little tug that I should have something more meaningful. What was calling to me was to inspire other older women to see the joy in life. But the thought was fleeting – didn’t really take hold. And then the relationship happened.
During this almost two-year period in my life, I became a totally different person, and not one that I liked much. I lost my spirit; I lost my outgoing, friendly nature; I no longer enjoyed the tiki bars or dancing. I did make myself exercise because that had become ingrained in my life, and thankfully, my friends stuck with me, an occurrence for which I am immensely grateful. But my identity, my self worth, my happiness – all disappeared.
The Shift: From Spark to Fire
When I finally separated myself from the situation, I spent weeks trying to understand what exactly was going on – with the man I thought I loved and with myself. After much studying, meditation, and prayer, I gained a remarkable clarity about the relationship and its negative effects on me. What had been very difficult for me – walking away – became not only easy but exhilarating! A renewed spark entered my life.
I came out on the other side bigger, badder, and better than ever!
The energy I previously experienced – magnified now. The joy – ten fold and also mixed with much gratitude. The passion – growing stronger every day. The love – for myself, my family, my friends, my life, my God – incredible. And now a meaningful purpose has also emerged causing that renewed spark to grow into a full-blown fire.
The purpose – to share my energy and passion with others whose age has reached 60+, to reach out to and encourage them, especially women though not limited to women.
The reason – I see so many around me looking unhappy. I see my peers projecting “old age.” They appear to be giving up on this remarkable life we have.
I began observing people around me soon after moving to Florida. “Yes!” I’m one of those people watchers! While I was involved in making connections and enjoying all of my moments, I noticed so many others in my age group looking downcast or sometimes expressionless. I often saw them walking slowly with their heads down, wearing similar nondescript clothing, and showing serious or sad looks on their faces. While I danced with my new friends, I watched many of my peers sitting, listening to the music without moving or smiling? I just didn’t see the happiness that I thought they should have, that I wished them to have. I know at this point in our lives, we sometimes face physical challenges, and we have most likely experienced losses. Still, I know there is much joy and meaning yet to be had, and I truly wish for everyone to realize this and to experience it for most of their moments.
Ageist Mindsets vs Aging with Attitude
Thinking about myself and others in my community, I learned about ageist attitudes and felt curious about how many people are affected by the “old age” mindset. Fortunately I have not been one to think about my age. I have a young spirit, and I live in a way that matches that spirit. I express how I feel inside by the way I look on the outside – I have long hair with bangs, I wear shorter sometimes form-fitting dresses, and I still love my heels! I’m active, working out 5 days a week and socializing at least 4. I live in a downtown area and make the most of it, often walking to the stores or restaurants. I did not come to Florida to live a quiet life.
Post toxic experience, I feel compelled to share my mindset with others in their 60s, 70s, 80s and up! As long as we are alive, I think we should be living – living in a way that aligns with who we are inside of ourselves. I remember vividly a day when I was walking with my mom. I was 30 and she was 60. She told me, “Your mind never catches up with your body!” Five years later she and my father retired and moved to a warmer climate. She then changed her appearance – instead of her blond hair pulled back into a beautiful twist and her lovely fashionable clothing, she let her hair go gray and wore it short and curly. She changed her clothing to baggy pants and t-shirt type tops. Nothing wrong with the look, but it wasn’t her. She seemed to have decided to let her mind go along with her aging body, and her actions soon followed. She was not the same vibrant mom I knew my whole life. I was still young at the time, but watching my mom change instilled a thought in me, “I will not give in or give up as I age!”
I don’t believe in rules or norms about how people of a certain age should look or act, and I think if someone does believe in them, the effects can be very detrimental both mentally and physically. Similar to me allowing a guy to control my life, allowing society to control one’s life can result in extremely negative effects. My spark, my fire have led to a determination which is now my power.
My Purpose – My Power
I will not let ageist mindsets disrupt the lives of an amazing generation of people!